Portrait Of The Artist Formerly Known As A Young Man (Jinxes & Juvenilia) MKCD012 2011CE
 click here [101.9mb zip] to download the whole album in high quality 192Kbps MP3, complete with printable inlay in pdf format; or click on a song title to read lyrics for individual songs, & play them in lower quality 96Kbps MP3, which will open in a new window/tab.
Celebrating 10 Years of Mirrorkill!
A decade ago, in 2001, Mirrorkill officially released its first album, Shaming Of The True. A couple of years later, in 2003, came Natural Freak. Both albums were recorded at Lancaster Musicians' Co-Op, & engineered & mixed by the mighty Ian Dicken. But although they certainly sounded like professional recordings, they didn't sound like recordings of a particularly professional group. I was still finding my feet, & still using the ancient drum machine Charlemagne, which had served me so well during the life of my previous band Agenda.
Whilst I was happy enough with the results at the time, I find them very difficult to listen to now. They sound naive & awkward. I'd never been a frontman before; I was still figuring out how to sing properly; & certainly in the case of the Shaming Of The True, I was just coming out of an episode of clinical depression, so I was rather all over the place. In the years since then I've learned to record, mix & produce at home on my laptop, & I remain happy with The 19 Sounds & Scan Happen. But also, after Scan Happen, I started to get interested in rehearsing acoustically, & the production of (Batteries Not Invented) cemented this as the new direction for the band.
& a lot of those songs from the first two albums survived - we carried on playing them acoustically, at gigs, & they continue to be powerful & popular songs. Hence this project, to re-record the best of this material in the new idiom, & give it a home on the internet.
Originally taken from the album Natural Freak, 2003CE
I have not come here bearing mirrors
rather paper, stone & scissors
smash the glass upon the floor
to see yourself you'll have to crawl
the things you see there might not please you
at least they'll never up & leave you -
that's because they're all too true
& better still, they're part of you
I never had a hold on you
& you never had a hold on me
identify yourself to me!
identify yourself to me, you unknown quantity
you stop to think & you stop to feel
but you never stop the wheel from turning
always one for taking chances
crossed some lines to find some answers
all I got were better questions
now accepting all suggestions
we all profane these sacred spaces
should be wearing awe on all our faces -
but who cares in any case
when life just comes up aces?
identify yourself with me...
Originally taken from the album Natural Freak, 2003CE
to all those men who kid themselves they're decent blokes
while sitting there & laughing over racist jokes
see the point where push turns into shove
might as well face it, you're a dickhead in love
to all those drunk on politics & power lent
all their promises turn into excrement
selling out their countries for the highest bid
& never have to pay the price for what they did
by the earth beneath my feet
by the oxygen I breathe
by the waters of the flood
by this fire in my blood
to all who think their god has got a plan for them
& reckon that their hatred makes them better men
rabid & religious, think they're heaven-sent
I welcome them to queue to kiss my fundament
by the earth beneath my feet
by the oxygen I breathe
by the waters of the flood
by this fire in my blood
by the rain & by the hail
by this breath that I exhale
by the pricking of my thumb
may something wicked your way come
Originally taken from the album Natural Freak, 2003CE
does anyone feel guilty? 'cos anyone can stop
anyone can play the game & make believe they're not
& anyone can do the things that get you to the top
but anyone can knock you down
anything might save you but nothing's what you find
the ageing flirts in ties & shirts will always rob you blind
& their post-millenial tension is the hallmark of our times
you're seeing what you want to see
here come the half alive, broken by the 9 to 5
here come the half alive, all used up & cast aside
pacified by culture then poisoned in your dreams
your great mistake is just to take the world the way it seems
we're a people made of porcelain, a nation of latrines
& they're pissing all our hope away
so don't believe in fortune, don't believe in fate
don't believe in fat machines that try to speak your weight
don't believe in anything that's offered on a plate
& don't believe a word I say - i-ching, sugar!
Originally taken from the album Shaming Of The True, 2001CE
last night the thoughts crashed in
while I was lying in my bed
but you were turned away from me
& the thoughts remained unsaid
you want what's best for me
but you've forgotten who I am
allow me to remind you
as if you gave a damn
sometimes I feel I want to
break these chains & scream at you
sometimes I feel I want to
break these chains & scream
I see you in my memory
stood before the window pane
aching with the sunset
crushed my heart before I came
& with the day you walked away
never heard my plea
left me by the window
framed in glass for all to see
Originally taken from the album Shaming Of The True, 2001CE
I see you as you walk on by
framed against the night time sky
I watch you all, I don't make sense
but then, I'm just gathering evidence
I'll watch the dawn, she breaks her chains
as the hookers stretch to ease their pains
in my mind it always rains
when you live through windows, only this remains
& the rain falls on & on & on...
everybody's world looks shattered from the inside
I don't care who you are, you can't hide it from me
'cos I look out
& I can see
Originally taken from the album Shaming Of The True, 2001CE
a hell of distrust & suspicion filled eyes
& we're picking our way through the dreamers run dry
in this paranoid age where to hope is to wither & die
the symbols of power are wrested away from us
split from ourselves only inches apart from us
truth tells us nothing, we sit & we argue amongst us
your dreams & your exploits for saving the nation
are only political self-masturbation
in all your equations you've forgotten the job of survival
& you tell me I'm running from each confrontation
but life is the battle, & life its duration
I won't march again by your side for your playground games
of follow the leader...
Previously unreleased, originally recorded during the sessions for the album Natural Freak, 2003CE
it always seems so clear to me
those hollow looks I've been expecting
roll the remnants of the weekend
stab those backs you've been collecting
your love transfusion didn't hold
& all emotions are rejecting
& then you're all apologies
you only owe them to yourself
a quick review of all your friends
reveals that many have defected
revenge is sour & uninspired
in all the minds that you've infected
your self-afflicting rememdies
will leave you worse than disconnected
& then you're all apologies
you only owe them to yourself
you want equality
you only want it for yourself
08 the ballad of sanity rothschild, part one [4:08 2.8MB MP3]
Originally taken from the album Natural Freak, 2003CE
sanity walks tall & proud
through the madding of the crowd
lights another cigarette
& takes the dirty looks she gets
she liked them when she wasn't hooked
but now they're just another mask
she could read you like a book
but no one ever stops to ask
all her dresses have been torn
been on the run since she was born
from those who didn't want her there
with better ways to pass their time
underneath a rusting bridge
she gave herself without a kiss
he knocked too hard & came inside
said he wouldn't, but he lied
sanity is bruised & bleeding
picks herself up off the ceiling
sanity is pleading...
though the sun is rising now
the night falls over her somehow
& she cannot close her eyes
the world before her as she flies
she can see in every heart
the things we hide there in the dark
& you will never know her pain
despite the interest that you feign
09 the ballad of sanity rothschild, part two [5:06 3.5MB MP3]
Originally taken from the album Natural Freak, 2003CE
the river pulses poison
to a thousand broken hearts
& the wind is laced with hurricanes
that's always how it starts
the rain beats on the iron roof
the water turns to rust
as mothers tell their little girls
"in sanity we trust"
so hush now darling, don't you cry
& sanity might pass you by
sing yourself a lullaby
& never open up your eyes
cross your fingers, count to ten
but when you look she's there again
sanity is tall & proud
she's stepping on your shadow now
the swollen moon is heavy
as it limps across the land
& sanity walks unadorned
with flowers in her hand
she's become the bitter pill
that no one wants to take
& the rain drowns out the weeping
as her storm begins to break
the dogs have stopped their howling
& the lamplight gutters low
you place your faith in pallid things
that never want to know
the bolts are in the shutters
& the key is in the door
but you never saw the shadow
as it reached across the floor
in the flicker of a nightmare
she can find her way inside
& her dusty colours fill you
& there's nowhere you can hide
but she's always pleased to see you
& she always knows your name
& the pain is like a candle, yes
& sanity's the flame
Originally taken from the album Shaming Of The True, 2001CE
over to the warzone now
just march in step & take a bow
every shot is in the script
& please don't overrun
we've made a refugee a star
with lipstick on her cholera
to tell us our way's best by far
& aren't we having fun?
it's such a burden
it's such a bind
all the information
let us make up your mind
so some kids blew their friends away
let's blame it on the games they play
we might not solve a thing, but hey
at least we've made a stand
with music by the evil one
they're all just having too much fun
with other cliches as they come
we'll take you by the hand
Originally taken from the album Shaming Of The True, 2001CE
in the raining rush of a town centre precinct
all the shops glow yellow & warm
a woman takes cover & the cover takes her money
& nobody has done any harm
but she's signed herself into a payment plan
she'll be a debtor until she is dead
& it's a sterling gun with dollar sign bullets
& it's pointed at her head
just yards away a young man sleeps
he's got nowhere else to go
he needs a job for a house & a house for a job
the officials tell him so
you see, the people in power don't care for him
so he won't get sheltered or fed
& it's a sterling gun with dollar sign bullets
& it's pointed at his head
they've got a sterling gun with dollar sign bullets
that they're holding to our heads
Originally taken from the album Shaming Of The True, 2001CE
deep inside of all of us
an ancient goddess wakes
sees herself with troubled eyes
& tries to fix her archetypeface
remembering the better times
before it all went wrong
when people thanked her for their lives
when people sang a better lovesong
the heart that beats inside of her
exists within us all
but we tie it up & drag it down
& then wonder where our troubles come from
poison-laced apologies
won't make it all alright
& what did you expect to find
when we're fucking with our mother's lifeline?
anima ascending
from the shadows of our minds
though we've tried to do without her
& we think we're doing fine
while the rivers rise around us
& the water's getting warm
we can't destroy the world, my friends
we'll only change her form
never solve our problems
to some future time we trust
but we can't escape the feeling
that it all depends on us
'cos her countenance is changing
& there's fury in her veins
& she has ridden thunderclouds
& she has eaten hurricanes &
anima ascending
from the shadows of our minds
though we've tried to do without her
& we think we're doing fine
while the waterss rise around us
& we're hiding in our cells
we can't destroy the world, my friends
we'll only kill ourselves
Originally taken from the album Natural Freak, 2003CE
well the streets look very different
when I see them in my head
through the rushing of the people
comes the whisper of the dead
in the eyes of all the buildings
in the skeletons of stone
all the gods & their familiars
I am never all alone
& I'm peeling back the corners of the rain
to slip away again
I've been writing on the wind
but it rushes through my hand
& the words upon the water
all get washed up on the sand
our hidden urban dreamers
spray their visions on our walls
but they never even realise
it means anything at all
all I have to say is everything
but the words just won't be found
you're just ripples in the street
I'm an island in the crowd
& the spirits are within me
& they're burning like a flame
there's a subtext to the subway
& it's calling out my name
14 everybody shut up... listen to the brand [3:13 2.2MB MP3]
Originally taken from the album Natural Freak, 2003CE
everybody shut up... listen to the god damn brand!
for the time it takes to raise your shackled hand
demons stalk the dreaming of this land
& never have to care or understand
see, your eyes are blank but still they're lit
another cathode pacifier hit
this tit you know you never could ignore
& so you swallow everything & more
trapped inside a plastic shell
consuming anything they sell
it always takes an age to render
message failed - return to sender
spitting all the words away
they will not shape the things I say
but shadows fall across this land
& our final hour is now at hand
everybody shut up... listen to the god damn brand!
for the time it takes to make your chosen stand
I'm packaging my anger for the man
to make you lift your head out of the sand
a land of frozen, grinning blank machines
all selling one another broken dreams
look out for yourselves, I know you will -
but everybody needs a mirrorkill...
Originally taken from the album Natural Freak, 2003CE
I'm a natural freak, walking the street
hands in my pocket & eyes on my feet
never talk unless I've got something to say
it's your terror of silence that drives me away
a natural freak, a one person clique
but there's millions inside me all trying to speak
I can't sleep any more for this clamour inside
how am I getting away with my life?
when this world is in such pain
& they've done this in our name
I'm afraid I must insist
that we should be standing on much firmer terra than this
I'm a natural freak, toast of the week
wearing my problems as radical chic
selling my soul to the sick & the strange
but I'm not after money, I only want change
we don't know what's going on
we just know there's something wrong
& the error has been missed
& we should be standing on much firmer terra than this
I'm a natural freak, although I'm unique
on closer inspection I lose my mystique
you're predicting my words before I can speak
writing me off as too wild or too meek
& the world goes rolling on
you forget about this song
the illusion will persist
but we should be standing on much firmer terra than this
compounding the error but sometimes it's hard to resist
when we should be standing on much firmer terra than this
Originally taken from the album Shaming Of The True, 2001CE
sickle moon, shiver down, to the sand
flicker of firelight, the circle is forming
see them spin, gather in, on the wind
telling the tales that we need for the morning
life is a story we tell to ourselves
our egos remember & pace round their cells
what you see as fate or as destiny chiming
I tell you, that's only reality rhyming
once upon another time, in our minds
we lived so happily for ever & after, so
carry me, on the wind, across the sea
into your dreams & you'll all hear the laughter
life is a writing, a language we're learning
we rescue our souls while our egos are burning
what you see as patterns in stars as they're shining
I tell you, that's only reality rhyming
Originally taken from the album Natural Freak, 2003CE
each step eats the future up
as we walk along the ledge
each heartbeat is the countdown
to the day we reach the edge
distracted by the journey
we never think about the end
& the rhythm of life is coiled inside my head
won't stop until I'm dead
the fairy tale afflicts us
every time & every place
& searching for the perfect love
we quicken up our pace
just to find we've missed our only chance
to really change the world
Originally taken from the album Natural Freak, 2003CE
it was then that I realised
that M.E.S. invoked the spirit of Al Crowley
that of reversal of adjective & noun
(a technique obvious, I hope you can perceive)
also I began to detect a similarity
to a certain A.W. of Bavarian notoriety
how every 23rd word he would emphasise
with his trademark gutteral inflection
it's M.E.S. illumin'd!
with his lank, greasy hair
his cryptic shoulder pads
& his expensive but horrible shirts
the facts were - excessively damning
as I constructed my lists of concordance
I began uncontrollably to tremble & to fear for my existence
for if all this were true
then M.E.S. was behind it all
the harpy has not left my window ledge now for 19 days
& its cognitive dissonance disquiets me -
it's his! I know!
the words mutate & flower
about him
Originally taken from the album Shaming Of The True, 2001CE
we're drawing out lines
in these skeleton times
laying bricks in the walls
that we're building to keep us apart
& charity's shown
but it ends in the home
& we're running in rings
round the strings that are tugging our hearts
never seen you before
I won't see you again
so goodbye my friend
& I dare you to miss me at all
how long 'till the memory dies?
I look in your eyes
& I dare you to miss me at all
& we're silent as mimes
in these skeleton times
turn away from the fray
& pretend we don't notice the fall
& we won't meet the eye
of the person who's crying
for fear they'll infect us
emotion makes fools of us all
never seen you before
I won't see you again
so goodbye my friend
& I dare you to miss me at
all of you people
don't know who I am
I don't give a damn
& I dare you to miss me at all
& I swear I won't miss you at all
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